Sailing with a Stalker
by blackfire700
Summary: Inuyasha and Kagome go for a cruise but little do they know that Hobo is coming aboard... THE ULTIMATE HO-BASHING HUMOUR FIC. Really.
1. Default Chapter

SAILING WITH A STALKER

Disclaimer:

Me - Why aren't I the creator of Inuyasha? I deserve to be the creator of Inuyasha. I am the creator of Inuyasha! Ha Ha Ha!

Hitmen 1, 2, 3 and 4 - Cracking knuckles- No you aren't.

Me- Damn! 'I'll think of a plan to take Inuyasha. Bah ha ha ha!'

( A/N - This is my first Inuyasha fic. I'm not afraid of flames but I don't think they're nice. Anyways Kikyo and Hobo fans… BEWARE. as for Inu/Kag fans…sit back and enjoy the show. Oh and as I promised… lots of Hobo bashing but that will eventually come. I'm thinking he'll show up in chapters 2-3 but we'll just have to see what my head is going to do. lol oh and before i forget be ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT YOU READ A Summer's Vacation which story code is 1834028 k? It's not my story.)

Symbols -'blah blah blah' someone's thoughts

Chapter 1- A Crusing We Go

Inuyasha sat up in a tree in his usual pose. They where at Kaede's village to let Kagome go home, rest, get supplies, etc. Kagome had left one day ago. She could only talk about a vacation that her mother had planned for them to go on during their travels. Inuyasha had been deep in thought in this particular morning.

'Kagome's leaving on a long trip tomorrow. Maybe I should go and say goodbye. But I promised to go to hell with Kikyo.' Inuyasha looked up to the sky. 'If I go to hell with Kikyo I'll never be able to see Kagome again.' At that particular moment it hit him. 'I..I love Kagome. Even more than Kikyo.' Inuyasha's eyes widened. He couldn't bear the fact of Kagome not being in his life. 'Now that I'm positive that I love Kagome, does she love me? Should I tell her? What should I do about Kikyo?'

"Inuyashaaaaa! Inuyashaaaaa!"

Inuyasha sighed. Those questions would have to wait. Mustering up a bit of his strength he jumped from his perch and landed in front of a particular monk.

"What is it monk?" Inuyasha spat

"Lady Kagome is here to see you. She wanted to know if…" Miroku finally heard what he had been trying to avoid for the last hour this morning.

"PERVERT!" Sango screamed as loud as possible with the Hirotansku in her hand riding kirara and wearing her fighting cloths looking as mad as hell.

"Um ask Kagome what she wanted! See you around!" Miroku yelled about half a mile away.

Inuyasha could tell what was going on as Kilala went air bound and Miroku disappeared into the forest. The last thing Inuyasha heard as he left the forest was a scream.

* * *

Kagome sat on the edge of the well wondering what the scream was. She could see Inuyasha coming from the edge of the forest. 

"What was that sound?" Kagome asked Inuyasha

"The sound of a particular perverted monk getting hit by a certain demon exterminator," Inuyasha sighed. "Miroku said that you wanted to tell me something."

"Ya," Kagome whispered.

"So, spit it out!" Inuyasha shouted.

"You don't have be such an insensitive jerk you know!" Kagome retorted.

"Fine. Now tell me what it is before you waste anymore of my time wrench!" Inuyasha yelled.

"My mom won the lottery and she is going take us on a cruise. She told me that I could take one of my friends along with me," Kagome stated

"And?" Inuyasha questioned.

"And I was wondering… if ... would you like to come with me?" Kagome asked

Inuyasha didn't know what to say.

"If you don't want to come with me then that's fine. I'll just invite one of my friends to come," Kagome said hopelessly. 'Why did I even bother. He loves Kikyo.' Kagome then turned to the well and before Inuyasha could even say a word she had disappeared.

Inuyasha sensed extreme sadness in Kagome. And with the air thick of a salt watery smell he felt his instincts screaming at him to go after her. Without a second thought jumped into the well.

* * *

Kagome was walking from the shrine to her house when her sentimental thoughts where interrupted by a certain half demon. 

"Wait!" Inuyasha called.

"What is it now?" Kagome sobbed.

They stood on the spot, with Kagome's back facing the hanyou.

"Kagome…" Inuyasha said.

"…"

"Just tell me what you wanted to ask me and I'll answer you."

"You want to know what I was going to ask you?" Kagome said coldly with her back still facing him.

Inuyasha was suddenly scared of Kagome and before he could run Kagome turned around and clasped her hands together with anime style colourful bubbles behind her back looking as happy as if she had dumped Hobo.

"Huh?" Inuyasha said in puzzlement.

"Can you come with us on the trip?" Kagome questioned.

'Kagome is really inviting me to come with her?'

"I'm inviting you because you're sorta like family to me"

'Family?' Inuyasha thought. 'Maybe Kagome does love me...'

"I'd love to go," Inuyasha said happily as if he had dumped Kikyo and sent her to hell alone.

"Don't worry about Miroku and the others. We'll bring them here using the jewel shards so that they can be safe from Naraku. Besides, grandpa has been obsessed with the fact of meeting a real monk. Miroku said that he'll bribe grandpa with some antiques," Kagome stated.

"OK," said Inuyasha. "Umm Kagome, when exactly are we going to leave?"

"The day after tomorrow. My mom was wondering if you could help us pack,"

"Sure," Inuyasha said without any hesitation. Ms. Higurashi was always kind to Inuyasha and giving him advice.

"I think that we should bring the others sometime tomorrow," Kagome said.

"How are we going to get them here?" Inuyasha questioned.

"I'm sure we'll think of something. For the time being you can sleep at my house," Kagome offered. "We can go tell the others tomorrow."

'Why is Kagome doing this? I thought she was with ho-bo or whatever his name is. Maybe she dumped him or something. I might be able to get some ramen too.' Inuyasha's mouth began to water. He could picture all sorts of ramen in front of his eyes.

"Hello? Earth to Inuyasha," Kagome stood there and started to wave her hand in front of him.

"Umm, sure, that's a great idea Kagome," Inuyasha said in a dazed like state. He then absent-mindedly took Kagome's hand and began to walk toward her house.

Kagome just stared at Inuyasha. 'Maybe he dose love me. But then there's Kikyo…' Kagome shook the thought from her head and decided to enjoy the vacation with Inuyasha.

It was not until he had reached the doorstep that he realized that he was holding Kagome's hand. Yet it felt so right to him that he continued to hold her hand.

Kagome raised her hand and pushed open the back door that led into the kitchen

"Hello Inuyasha!" Kagome's mom greeted Inuyasha not seeming the least bit surprised

about Inuyasha and Kagome holding hands. Normally any other mother would be very surprised to see their daugther holding hands with a hanyou. But Ms.Higurashi trusted Inuyasha with her life.

"Inuyasha, would you like some ramen?" Ms. Higurashi offered.

Inuyasha instantly snapped back from his ramen dreams into attention when hearing the word ramen.

"Uh, sure!" Inuyasha said happilly while he and Kagome sat down at the table across from each other.

Ms. Higurashi smiled, "Souta!" she called.

"Ya mom!" Souta yelled from his room.

"Can you go into my room and take a large garbage bag out of my closet!" she asked.

About a minute later Souta could be seen draging a HUGE gabage bag. it was at least 20 feet in length and height.

Both Inuyasha's and Kagome's jaws dropped.

'How did she get that into her closet and keep it from blabbing from Soutas mouth?' Kagome thought.

Ms. Higurashi opened the bag to reveal at least 1000 packets of ramen in the bag with every type of ramen possible

Inuyasha's jaw was now on the floor while his nose was sniffing the air calling out flavours

like "chicken, beef, fish, corn, onion..." and many others.

"I got them on sale at the super market right after I won the lottery money. I knew how much you like ramen so I got this for-" and before she could even finish her sentence she was given the tightest hug she ever had. It was so tight that she couldn't breathe. As fast as she was hugged inuyasha was warming up about 10 ramen cups in the microwave doing the happy dance and saying, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" Finally about after three miunits of doing that he noticed that everyone was looking at him with complete and total utter shock written all over their faces.

Inuyasha immediately crossed his arms and shrugged it off with his signature word, "Feh."

"It seems that he likes his ramen more than you Kagome," her mother started, "tough competition."

At this Kagome blushed. But what her mother had said, to Kagome's most utter disgust, was probably right. Or was it?

After they all ate their fair share of ramen Ms. Higurashi had opened her couch to unravel itself to be a bed. Inuyasha was completely shocked at what the couch could do and thought it would eat him, but was soon convinced that it wouldn't eat him.

* * *

Inuyasha was awoken by a horrible screech then a shudder. He immedideatly jolted right up and saw Souta playing one of his video games. And in the box they called a television he saw a few dead corpses of a bunch of aliens and a guy with a sowrd. 

Souta paused the game and looked behind him and before Inuyasha could even utter a single word he was tackled by the little kid and before you knew it souta was feeling Inuyashas ears and "ooooohhh"and "awwwwwwwww" ing in amazement.

Inuyasha looked at the time on the clock beside his bed and saw the time.

12:23 AM

"Ummm, Souta? Shouldn't you be asleep right now?" Inuyasha asked.

"Uhhhhhh, Souta didn't know that Inuyasha knew how to read clocks let alone know when someone was way past bed time.

Inuyasha wrestled the kid off of him and about twenty minutes later had Souta tucked away in bed off in the land of dreams.

Inuyasha couldn't get used to the bed let alone sleep a full night on it. So getting up he headed for the hall, then proceeded to the kitchen door where he made a few cups of ramen and was about to head outside when somebody spoke.

"Take this with you," came a calm and gentle voice.

Inuyasha whipped around to see Ms. Higurashi standing behind him holding a very comfortable looking blanket.

"Thank you," Inuyasha said politely.

"No problem," Ms. Higurashi replied in a soft, warming, motherly voice.

Inuyasha then went out the door and looked around the grounds for a place to retire for the night with his ramen.

He spotted what he was looking for and then headed for the Sacred Tree where he jumpet onto the higest branch that would support his weight.

Then he sat down and realized that he was in front of Kagome's window. He felt more relaxed after seeing her beautiful sleeping form.

Covering himself with the blanket, he set his ramen cups on another thick branch and began to eat.

It was a nice experience. He felt as if he was watching over Kagome from the comfort of the Feudal Era.

* * *

Backtrack to right after Inuyasha is convinced that the bed won't eat him

* * *

As Kagome walked into her room and began to get in bed she wondered what tomorrow would bring. So shutting her eyes she began to fall asleep... 

_She was on a boat. There was a cabin door in front of her and she began to walk towards it. When she was close enough she opened the door just a little to hear..._

_Precious...mine...all mine...precious...my precious..._

_(A/N: Sadly, I don't own The Lord of The Rings either.)_

_Kagome opened the door to see Inuyasha with his back towards her hunched over something._

"_Inuyasha?" Kagome asked._

_Inuyasha then whipped around with a mouth full of ramen._

_"Uhhhhhhh, Inuyasha are you OK?" Kagome questioned._

_"GET AWAY FROM ME WRETCH!" Inuyasha screamed._

_At this point Kagome was speechless. 'Inuyasha likes ramen more than me?' Kagome was bewildered._

_"I SAID GET AWAY FROM ME WRETCH!" Inuyasha then drew his Tetsusaiga and lunged at her and before he could hit her everything went black..._

"Kagome? Kagome, are you OK?"

Kagome opened her eyes to see that Inuyasha had his hands on her shoulders.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Kagome screemed. "SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT BOY!"

Inuyasha wasn't on the second floor anymore, and not even the first. As a matter of fact Inuyasha was in a very deep dog shaped ditch in the basement.

"Oops, sorry about that!" Kagome yelled the apology and got a grunt in reply.

"Kagome, whats going on?" her mother came in the room and saw a dog shaped hole in her daughter's room. "Oh my."

"Uhhhhhhh," Kagome knew Inuyasha was listening. "I had this nightmare that Inuyasha attacked me because I...er...disturbed him from eating his ramen and uhhhhhhh well when I got up he well, was over me soo I said sit-"

**BANG!**

"YOU IDIOT!" Inuyasha roared.

"SORRY!" Kagome yelled.

"SORRY? DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS HURTS!"

"WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU ATTACKED ME!"

"YOU JUST SAID THAT IT WAS A DREAM!"

"SO WHY WHERE YOU IN MY ROOM!"

"I SMELLED SALTWATER FROM YOUR ROOM SO I CAME TO HELP" he roared yet again.

"Oh... sorry!"

* * *

Kagome decided to watch a few movies with Inuyasha seeing that he couldn't sleep. So Instead of Inuyasha helping he spent most of the day, on his stomach, on the couch with his back in agony. This was good for Kagome because since he was immobilised she could touch his ears all day. Inuyasha said to stop but he really liked the ear massage he was getting and gave up. After about nine hours of the ear treatment, Ms. Higurashi got up (it's ten in the morning) and told them to start packing. So, slowly and reluctantly, he and Kagome got up off of the couch and began to clean, cook and, as we all know, the typical annoying little brother just wouldn't quit asking them to play with him until they gave up and played for a few hours. 

A while later they were having a ramen break in the kitchen.

"Why do you want me to help you pack?" Inuyasha questioned. "Aren't you just packing clothes?"

"Oh no," replied Ms.Higurashi, "we're going shopping too!"

"Shopping? But I don't have any gold!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"Oh, don't worry about that!" Ms.Higurashi laughed. "I've got it covered.

Inuyasha's jaw dropped to the floor. He couldn't believe that anyone could be this nice to him especially since he had no "income" as they called it.

"Ummmmm are you an angel?" Inuyasha questioned.

At this Ms.Higurashi did the unbelievable. She literally went on the floor rolling around on the hard shrine grounds clutching her stomach laughing her head off.

Then she got up and said, "You know, that is the exact same thing Kagome said to me when she was little."

"Really?"

"Yes."

* * *

TBC 

( A/N: Oh Ya! My first fic is officially up and runnin! Ya! Now do your part and click that heavenly GO button and BLOODY REVIEW DAMMIT! Thank you for your time.)


	2. OMG! SORRY!

SSOOORRRYYY!

OMFG OMFG OMFG! I FORGOT! I'LL HAVE A CHAPTER UP ASAP! SOOO SRY!

-Blackfire700

P.S.: Just incase if your wondering, I'm a 15 year old male. I'M NOT A GIRL!


	3. It's time

_To all of my fans, I am now an 18 year old male. So why would I be posting this after 3 long years?_

_The answer is high school. But to you my beloved reviewers (not viewers, notice that I'm using the word Reviewers because they love me and I love them) it is but a sad excuse._

_So why am I writing this to you? Nay I say to the discontinuation of this story. As a matter of fact, this story is where my sense of humour really began from, and I've been using that throughout high school to get many friends, and as I prepare to go into university, I believe a little bit of typing is in order._

_I have a new view on the pairings for the anime Inuyasha as I have recently gotten back into it (courtesy of the movies and the first link on google when search query "watch inuyasha episodes" is entered). I believe that Inuyasha shouldn't be with either Kikyoyo or Kagome. However, for the purpose of keeping this story afloat and preserving my original intentions, I shall begoing headfirst into the Inu/Kag pairing._

_Expect the next chap within an hour_

_Blackfire700_


	4. Chapter 2 The Stalker

Me - Hey guys, so sorry it took so long. I've just been making this machine here to destroy everything in Japan except the copyright & trademark documents to Inuyasha…

(Children of hitmen 1, 2,3 & 4…with baseball bats) YOU DIDN'T WRITE THIS STORY FOR FOREVER AND OUR DADDIES DIED BECAUSE YOU!

Me – WHAT!!!

1,2,3, & 4 – THEY LOST THEIR JOBS BECAUSE NO ONE NEEDED TO GUARD THE DOCUMENTS ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU WENT AWAY AND THE WORLD SLIPPED INTO AN ECONOMIC MELTDOWN ALSO KNOWN AS A RECESSION!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!

Me – o_O

I don't own Inuyasha, are you happy R. Takahashi?

I once said long ago that I do not mind flames, but I didn't think that they are nice. This is the ONLY chapter that I will EVER say this, but you may flame me. Yes, I want the flames. Bring on the heat! But be clear that it's only because I left you hanging on a cliff for 3 years… yeah, I totally deserve this. But do give me feedback on how well I write this chapter! Yes….do…gimme…precious…

Symbols 'blah blah blah' --- Someone's thoughts

~blah blah blah~ --- The author speaking into designated character's head

Chapter 2 – The Stalker

~Hung-over, tattered and alone, Hobo sat. Where was he? How should he know? He was drunk the night before and now he's-~

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID AUTHOR, I CAN THINK MY OWN THOUGHTS FOR MYSELF!"

~Really? I thought you to be inco-~

"SHUT UP!"

~Hey Hojo~

"WHAT?"

~Nobody likes you. Hahaha!~

"SHUT UP!"

~I would know, I am the author…~

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!"

It was then that Homo looked up, he was at a beach, very close to a harbour. There were many people looking at him strangely.

'Why are they looking at me? What do they want? Wha-'

He didn't know where he was, he didn't know how he got there, and he couldn't remember the last 5 minutes of his life. All he knew was that he had been screaming the words shut up insanely, and very loudly, on a beach. And he noticed that his whole audience was composed of women… very pretty women…

"MINE!" Hocreep screamed at the top of his lungs as he dashed towards his nearest victim wearing a white top and green skirt looking just like-

CRACK!!!

"HEY SCUM! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO MY GIRL, EH?"  
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE OUR GIRLS, EH?

"What the **** is that psycho doing near my girl?"

8 guys walked up to Hoar, where he lay on the sand, his nose bleeding from when he took the elbow to the face.

'Oh my god! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!' Hodead thought as he was flanked by 8, bodybuilder machines.

"WHO DO YOU THINK WE ARE!!!" One of the women said, quite loudly, although not directly to Hochickengowrap. As a matter of fact, not at all to Hochickengowrap. She and ALL of the girls looking quite pissed at the fact that they were being…defended?

At least that's what it seemed like, because after that, homemoryless wouldn't remember a thing about being owned by 8, screeching, kicking, punching, clawing women.

(A/N)Well, it's quite late, and that's all the time I have for. However, I will post more chapters. And eventually (to keep up with the same retarded ff numbering system) I'll post double chapters. Normally I like to keep my chapters above 1000 words, however this one will be the exception. Expect the double chapter to be coming up soon.


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